was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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