I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
