You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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