hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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