Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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