we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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