At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
