There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
