she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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