i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
