I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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