Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
