despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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