have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
