Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
