I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
