Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
