He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
