Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
