I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
