wakey wakey hands off snakey
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
