My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
