is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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