apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
