I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I smell like Dick and happiness
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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