i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
third nipple confirmed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
