The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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