KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
