it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ttyl tear gas
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize