I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
