I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
