I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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