I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
