Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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