Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
