I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fuck appropriateness.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
