mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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