I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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