the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
