i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
