ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
