Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
