i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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