I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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