she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
