i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
