The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hippo gnu deer
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
