fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They took my balls.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
