My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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