im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
MIDGETS
????
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
