I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
