I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
