i would punch a child for taco bell
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
