Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
